007 - PENGUIN

YO!!!! HO!!!! brrrrrrr ice man, ice man, cold cold cold cold ooohhhhh northern lights how pretty! ( irrelevant dill brain. penguins only live in the southern hemispere.) 

Today is the day of the outrageously cute baby penguin.... arrrrrrrrrgggghhhh they are sooooo cute. SHIT

like i'm sure you do I give a shit about global warming and that... I have a recyclable tote bag to carry my shopping in... I have more than one product made of hemp... I only ever buy fair trade bananas. but its not enough! this year I am going to gallantly not go abroad on a plane... not because I'm unemployed and cant afford it... no it's to save the lives of these cute little fuckers. 

Yeah I'm pretty much 3 or 4 times greener than you.

yeah penguins are cute man. don't try and farm me off with no puffins I want the real deal. 

anyone see that thing on bbc last april fold day with the flying penguins?

don't ever go to whipsnade zoo and lean over the fence and try and stroke a penguin. I did and it nearly had my bloody finger off. they are snappy little bastards.

JOKES.

gutted

STATS

MONEY I WOULD PAY TO HUG A PENGUIN: £30

HUG-ABILITY RATING : 5 %

POSSIBLE NAMES FOR A PENGUIN: PINGU, PINGA (not happy feet)

006 - LOGGERHEAD TURTLE

Alright all fucking right its day 6 and today i want you to visualise the a tropical sea... warm water and fish all around... briskly through the azure sea. "barp barp" its a loggerhead turtle. he is outrageously and he wants you to ride his back through the surf. remember the turtles in finding nemo. kinda like that. Well this is the first  non mammal of the blog and its an exciting deviation from the norm. well these shelly critters are suffering a bit at the moment from slag pricks in places like kavos and kos fucking up there spots for laying eggs. 

STATS

money i would pay to hug a loggerhead turtle: £150

hug-ability rating: 15%

Possible name for a loggerhead turtle: SQUIRTLE, TIMOTHY TURTLE, TRACY TURTLE-FACE.

roland out!

005 - MANATEE

OK so yeah woop de fucking woop another cute manatee. but check it! I come with facts. not only is this the cutest of all marine mammals but apparently when pissed horny fishermen used to look overboard and see these flubby fuckers paddling along they used to mistake them for mermaids and apparently this is where the whole mermaid thing originates from. Im not sure how much rum I would have to gobble down before I wanted to have sex with a grey woman weighing in at about 250 kgs and with that much subcutaneous fat. But this got me thinking. What's better to have sex with a woman with a fishes vagina and scales from the waste down or to shag a woman's legs with a giant fish head from waist up... please chip in with your opinion on this... something to mull over aye...

anyway enough of this chat...

I give you... day 5 

The Manatee

STATS

Money I would pay to hug a manatee: £90 after a lot of rum £100

Hug-ability rating: 80%

Possible names: Mildred the manatee, marvin the manatee, flubber bellyio!

lates.

004 - RED PANDA

yeah yeah yeah i know its late in the day. but i have been really busy today. too busy to be on top of my game with the cute animal of the day. I had to watch 3 episodes of green wing and play fran at two games of scrabble. I won the first game 275-198 and I lost the second game 250-210 only because my opponent was making up fucking words!

whatever trevor. So i was thinking man pandas are really cute. but then I was recommended this guy by edward (rich£££) hoskins... check it. 

THE RED PANDA>>>look at his face.

people in china or something are getting reasonably het up about the normal panda but i say what the heck check this guy out for a reasonable replacement. So I  give you todays cute animal. 

THE RED PANDA 

STATS

money i would pay to hug: £120

Hug-ability rating: 58%

Possible names for red panda: MING MING/ CHEEKY PAUL THE PANDA/ RED ROBBY THE RED PANDA.

003 - FOX

Im the sort of guy who has a lot of time for our foxy friends. When your walking home on the piss and you see one it can feel just like being in some nature documentary. Probably favourite my cute animal of the city. One thing must be said about foxes. They sound fucking butterz. I was lying in bed and i thought some small child had been abandoned in the alleyway behind my house. turns out foxes sound like screaming children. which is a rather off key sound to here at 4 in the morning when you don't have any children in your household. mental. regardless i give you cute animal of day 3 the fox.

 

STATS:

Money I would pay to hug a fox: £5

Hug-ability rating: 25%

Possible names for a fox: Reginald D Foxington, Mr ginger whiskers/Mrs Ginger whiskers.

One problem is that fucking horrible fox off the foxy bingo advert which actually made me want to bring back fox hunting. 

002: THE DAILY DOUCHE-BAG

DOUCHE-BAG OF THE DAY

Big man aye??? picking on what is effectively a water based animal on land. Pretty much the same as taking a goldfish out of a bowl and stamping on it... take a dip into the seals realm and it would take you all the way down to china town... 

I give you todays douchbag of the day: The Canadian Seal Clubber.

Intelligence: 0.03%

Forgivability:  0.0001%

General douchbag inbreeding rating:  8/10

002 - SEAL

Todays cute animal is the seal...

I was watching some program with david attenborough the other night about the north pole and there was this polar bear literally eating the head of a seal... This gave me some inner conflict as its like a show down between two very cute animals. On the one hand is the polar bear who is fluffy and cuddly but would rip your fucking head off given half a chance and the seal who never did nufin to nobody. So that pipped it for me so for Wednesdays cute animal of the day I give you the seal.

STATS

Money I would pay to hug a seal: £35.50

Hug-ability rating:  45%

Possibly names for a seal: Sammy/Flubber/Blubber belly

Seals mainly eat fish so their breath might be quite brutal after eating.

Some seals fall victims to killer whales or Orcas. There was another program on telly where a killer whale was using a seal as a football. This was pretty horrible.

Re:001 - KOALA BEAR

In Addition to the last post. There was a cute thing that happened to a Koala bear in the news recently. In the hot weather in Australia they have been having lately. (and fires apparently) the koala bears have been getting really hot. 

These Australian people found a koala bear getting out of breath under their house and saw that it was probably thirsty. They decided to put a bucket of water out for the koala bear and the koala bear climbed into the bucket and stayed there. using it as a bath in which to cool his furry body.  However this koala had slightly burnt hands and looks a bit stressed so I will also put up a diffenent picture of a koala in a bucket which is more cute. Enjoy

001 - KOALA BEAR

We are going to start off this blogspot with a round up on the cuttest animal of the day. 

Todays is going to be the koala. 

The Koala lives in a tree in Australia. Apparently they are a bit smelly but I think you will agree that the overall cuteness is quite remarkable. I know a person who went to australia and got to hug a koala and they said that their claws are very sharp and if they wanted to they could "rip your fucking intestines out." Also if they like you apparently they take a piss on you.

Money I would pay to hug a koala : £50

Hug-ability rating : 60%

Possible name for this Koala : Bruce/Shiela

This concludes the first cute animal of the day. 

Tune in tomorrow for another cute animal.

Roland Out